Musings and Ramblings (8/18/08):

I rarely plan my stories. Or when I do they morph into something else entirely. It was the latter in this case (sort of). Sure, I had a basic idea for how I wanted it to go, some kind of atmospheric Cowboy Bebop/generic Western type story, but that was quickly forgotten. Things happened as I went along that were far from intentional, most of the things I had planned never panned out and some other crap. Either way, the finished product was not what I had originally intended. But, I liked it.

(As I got into it I started to borrow from my original story, which at the time was just a hunk of nothingness inside my head that I thought would probably stay untouched, and I figured I might as well do something with those ideas. But, luckily, it was mostly just the feel of my original work that was usurped and nothing else.)

At the time Vincent was a favorite character and I loved Cid. Cid was just great. How can you not have a chain-smokin’, funny runnin’ ex-pilot in your story? It’s unethical! It’s sacrilegious! It’s other wordy things! Also, I very much doubted I’d ever write a solo story just for him, because, while I loved his character, I just didn’t have a feel for how he was and I suspect I still quite don’t. So, there was Cid. I was fairly indifferent to Tifa, but I felt she had more potential than Aeris and I began to like her the more I wrote her (which tends to be the case with me and female characters). And Barret. I liked Barret. He needs more lovin’. And him and Tifa have a great relationship with unlimited possibilities. I like that combination.

Back then when fanfiction was still ripe with great stories and sadly stricken with that god awful “original final fantasy” fad, Vincent and Tifa were something unexplored by me. I’d never read any Vincent/Tifa stories (what little were around back then, anyway), but I figured I could make something out of them. It turned into what it turned into. In the story it was almost a thing that couldn’t be, due to Tifa’s inability to act on what she could have and Vincent’s inability to leave behind what once was (hence his demons, but more on that later). Vincent thought love a wasted thing, but in the end he had nothing left, not even himself, but that very thing.

I didn’t want to make Vincent harp on that whole Lucrecia business. I find that character as uninteresting as that whiny little shit, Cloud. So, she was mentioned briefly, here and there. She was a sort of bad memory, something that taught Vincent a lesson but that couldn’t quite be forgotten. Some people take the Vincent pining over Lucrecia thing a bit too far, anyway. (Hell, when Vincent meets her again in the game he seems over her and reacts coldly to her presence). Also, I didn’t want to compare Tifa with her–Tifa was her own person, completely separate from Lucrecia. Same as with Cloud and Vincent. There were similarities, of course. But the characters had to be separate from their other’s lost loves.

In this story, Vincent’s demons were not separate entities that were sewn together inside his head, piece by piece, in some sort of Frankenstein-ish manner. If it wasn’t clear enough, Vincent created them, sort of like schizophrenic compensation for how he couldn’t be, how he couldn’t save who he wanted to and how, at certain points, he couldn’t save himself . They were him, as simple as that. He realizes at the end, much to his distaste, that he couldn’t be rid of them, anymore than he could be rid of himself.

Cloud, as I said, wasn’t an interesting character to me. Wet fish sticks hold more fascination. But I didn’t hate the character by any means, so I tried to be, uh, nice to him. (Sorry, Cloud fans. That didn’t work out so well, it seems.) Cloud was sort of what Vincent was inside–which was probably one of the reasons Vincent felt a connection, however unwanted, with the pointy-headed kid. It was also why he felt dislike towards him. Vincent never hated Cloud, as was revealed; he hated how he saw himself in Cloud.

Vincent both respected and despised how he felt Cloud let Tifa go. Something similar to what happens with Vincent and Tifa at the end. Did Vincent live and come back for Tifa? Did he die and “let her go” because he felt she was better off without him? Oh, the possibilities!

Along that line of thought... Did Cloud leave Avalanche and go with Hojo willingly? Was he taken? I thought that was pretty obvious, as well. Hojo wanted to finish what he had started with Cloud and once he found that Vincent was still around, he thought to be rid of him, as well. He didn’t want ghosts following him around. Regret? Perhaps. Tying up loose ends? Of course. I couldn’t think of anything better? You know it. I couldn’t quite get a grasp on Hojo, either, so I fear that’s glaringly obvious. I didn’t want to make him evil, just a guy doing his job unflinchingly with an end result that was unavoidable.

There will be no sequel, no prequel, no further explanations. I probably won’t even edit the story again. It stays as a bit of a mess, but as a reminder of better fanfiction days (for me, anyway).

Lastly, some people wanted to know: Did Vincent die at the end? Okay, I’ll tell you. Here it comes:

he—